Feelings.

Feelings, it's the one thing that makes you say 'I might', instead of 'I will'. It's the thing that makes you change your mind all of a sudden and go a complete different, maybe wrong way. The only problem about humans is, they cannot live without feeling, because it IS human. Now, the problem is, obviously, that feelings are of many kinds: happy, sad, depressed, enraged, euphoric, destroyed and so on. We can split them into two parts - positive and negative. The funny part is that positive feelings can induce changes the same way negative ones can. E.g.: You get fired. What do you do? Go get drunk etc. You get a promotion and extra money. What do you do? Go get drunk etc. Sounds quite similar, doesn't it?

To be continued.

I against I (still working on it)

      I guess that's the ultimate battle everyone has to take at some point in there lives to define their real identity.

      From an existentialist point of view, Sartre would define the I as being the sum of all the acts taken by that person. I can only agree with old Jean-Paul. You are what you do, how you act, and the decisions you take.

      Therefore, you can actually decide who you want to be. This is a point that a lot of people don't get. I am sick of people moaning around "my life is shit" etc. etc. - it's your fault is shit. Of course, everything is in theory, meaning that theoretically you could be who you want to be, but judging by the fact that everyone is different by their nature, talents and strengths you are a little restricted. As always, the practical part proves the theoretical one wrong, ergo the I is confused of what it is and what it can be. That's the most common phenomena in todays society. A lot of confused people, usually doing what everyone is good at: office, industrial, catering work. There are, obviously, people that are only good at this. However, it is the people conscious of themselves and their abilities, that manage to be great; you can take great how you want it: money, power, popularity, or, benefiting humanity, inventing revolutionary stuff, fantastic artists.

(After this long detour we're coming back to the...) I against I - a great tune that's been stuck in my head (again) for a couple of days, and also a great collaboration (in my opinion Massive Attack should have done a whole album with Mos Def). Besides this, it also have a very interesting theme. We are actually alone, with or without friends. This world is ours - a phrase witch you may have heard before. I understand this phrase in a different way. On the one hand, each of us see and perceive "the world" in a different way, ergo it's our own, and that creates a lot of worlds. On the other hand, it's funny how you can actually interfere with an other person's world, mess it up or make it better. This works also vice versa. Coming back to Sartre's view, this makes actually sense - we are responsible for the way we shape our world and how we make it look like, because this will affect the way other worlds interfere with us. And it is this I against I, that defines you. At the end, only one of the personalities can survive, because "only one of us can ride forever, so you and I can't ride together". Of course this doesn't apply if you have a multi-personality disorder ô_O. And if that is the fact, please leave this blog immediately. I kid.


So, which one of the I's will you choose? 


Tim - Ó

Impressions, impressions...

...of the bloody, rainy United Kingdom.

One month here, what can I say? Culture shock. But I guess it's normal.

Living in Scarborough, the city that always sleeps, is actually pretty nice. A quite peaceful place, with weird people that don't really want to talk to you. Why? I found that out on a night out, talking to a random local while having a fag. "A lot of awful things happened in Scarborough in the past years" she says, "that's why we all try to avoid people we don't know." "Why?" I asked. "Children getting raped, people getting stabbed or killing themselves... You know, that sort of stuff." Sounds pretty hardcore for this town, if you ask me, but it's a fair explanation. Later on she mentioned though, that if people actually get to know you, they'll be nice to you, which they are indeed as I was to experience during the next weeks in the Cask Inn (a pub not even 1 minute away from my place).

I guess it's really hard for hot blooded Romanians to not have always contact to people. I mean, if you ask for a cigarette back in Bucharest, there is a 89% chance of you to getting one. The answer you get here is either "fuck no" or "did you mean a rolling paper?" Still, as long as you have your rolling stuff or your fags on you it's fine. The way of partying here is completely different as well. I mean, I was used to the German style, but this is just pure "let's get wasted and not remember what the fuck happened yesterday". Now, some of you may say "Timo, you've been doing that back at home every time!" :) I tell you, it's different. There is 0% socializing, 0%  conversation, 0% "body-to-body" dance with someone and 100% alcohol. Also, I couldn't manage to find a club here that plays decent music (indie, rock, electro, rock'n'roll, what so ever); only thing they play here in Scarbs is the Top 40's up and down. Which of course is a bit demotivating, 'cause one is used to sing along all the good old hit's from back home. But hey...

After a month it's really not as bad as it sounds. The hard part was during the first 2-3 weeks, after that it's just routine - you go to one of the houses, have a couple of drinks, go out, have fun, come back, sleep, wake up, go to university for 1 hour or 2, then head back home and sleep. Not healthy, I tell you xD

And by mentioning university we arrive at the positive sides of Scarborough / UK - Academic education, which is absolutely at it's highest here, in my opinion. From the staff, which is well prepared and ready to answer any questions you have, to the uni services. The equipment available for CMT / Popular Music students is also great. The studios are fantastic, rehearsal rooms are decent. The lectures are also great, accompanied by the big slideshow panels etc. So it's really worth it for study purposes. Also a major plus for Scarborough is obviously the sea, which is beautiful as always and which makes you forget all the trouble on your mind as soon as you get a glance of it. As long as you get out of Scarbs every 2nd weekend, it's fine. I went to Hull for a weekend, really nice partying, met some of the Romanians there; also, Birmingham, which was fantastic and where I also spent some time with my friends from back home :)

What else can I say? To be in the UK as a tourist is way nicer than to actually live here :P

Cheers,
Le Tim-Ó

8 days...

left till I'm finally leaving for the UK. Pretty hard time, but hey, I did it :)

Nothing more to tell actually just...

... the feeling before you make a big change. Sounds familiar?

Probably yes. And I start to get it. It's a strange feeling, neither positive, nor negative, it's just there and it messes you up. But I guess it's normal thing which keeps you going and alert till you feel "safe" again.

This is probably my last post on this blog, so I guess this is goodbye now.

But hey, every end has a new beginning, right? ;)

Hasta la vista for the last time,

Le Tim-o

PS: I'm starting a new blog with stuff from the UK soon ^^

Chaos Theory

And in chaos you will find

certain patterns and known shapes;

putting them together side by side,

a new order is created.

Pre-Finish

        So here I am, 6 days before my last written exam. How do I feel at the end of this long period (12 years of school), I would ask myself? The answer is simple. Disgusted. Tired. But, at the same time, free.

       Then again, I ask myself, how come everyone has this big smile on their faces when finishing school? Maybe, they all got drunk or high before - or maybe, they are all ignorants who think that once taken this step, they are ready to finally face life and enjoy. Wrong, I tell thee.

        Pleasure and joy shouldn't come once you finished school. School should be more enjoyable, not a dark place of torture you are afraid to go to, afraid that anytime you can get punished for not giving the right answer, punished for not thinking alike teachers. Especially in our country, school is based to much on brainwashing. Pupils are taught not what they like to be taught, but what they have to be taught. Not that I'm saying that there ought not to be a basic knowledge everyone should have, but humans are so diverse, especially in their early years. By diverse not only do I mean character and behaviour, but strenghts and talents in different areas. Some may be gifted with a theoretical mind, some with an analytic mind, some may have tendencies towards music or arts.

         But no, nobody gives a shit about that. The concept of individuality does not exist in school nowadays. Everyone is taught as if they would all be the same. It's like placing AI into the heads of robots.

        So, I ask myself again and again, what is the purpose? Do they want to build an army of freshly graduated students who all should serve their purpose? If yes, which is their purpose? I feel as if nobody wants to stimulate potential talented children, who, if given the right teaching can reach way more, especially in the area they are interested in. I guess, however, that the this role is taken by universities.

        Nevertheless, my point is that what we need in todays society is creativity, the one thing that brings us further. Creative thinking should be, if not an actual class, taught in every class itself. Each and every subject can be approached from different points of view, and each and every one of us approaches different subjects from different points of view. A single approach given by profs leads to narrow minded thinking. That's why young people nowadays, when faced with uncommon problems or ones that haven't been treated before, have big issues finding solutions to these. They will approach these in the single manner they were taught and fail.

         One of these "single manners" is the search for the one right answer. There isn't something like the right answer (not that I'm saying that 2+2 can equal other than 4) and there is always a second right answer, an answer that can be found maybe in other domains. A second right answer provides a wider view to look at things, and thus finding a better or even more solutions.

*off topic* Finally I got the chance to write in my "blaag" again. Thing is, I didn't really have things to write about. I've been overflooded with this negative feeling, this repulsion and it is this feeling that blocked me, thinking or even treating other subjects than school. A lot of work put into school for nothing. I actually consider myself pretty lucky for getting the chance to experience more than this country, this culture, this school and it is my merit that I've become how I've become. However, I would wish that more people would escape from this labyrinth they have been locked into, with no escape other than doing and acting how you are told. The future, my friends, does not lie in this country. It lies far far away from here, somewhere where you feel comfortable with yourself, where you can be yourself and do the things you wish to.

Will you choose freedom over a place in the Asylum for the Deaf? I, for one, will shure do.

Hasta la vista,
Tim-O

Uni_____ ?

So what does it take to get in to university? Best grades you can ever achieve, tons of extra-curricular activities (voluntary activities prefered), olympics, lots of diploma and so on. But does this really tell something about the person that is applying to your university ? I mean, what about the kind of student that didn't have the chance or money for these extra activities, and wasn't the perfect student all the time ? What if this guy could achieve more than all the others because he would be studying exactly what he likes and would work better than anyone else? But this can not be proven through documents or anything else. Well what the heck... there's no solution for it. Some years later after this guy becomes famous them universities will regret not accepting him.

Ok'. There are some reasons why I'm writing this. It's true in my opinion. There are so many talented scholars which have a passion for painting, design or what ever and don't give a F 'bout school cuz the most stuff you are tought is non-sense.

Ok". Having this said already makes we feel better. I really hope to get into Uni :))

Btw, I read an article on the net about how a recommendation letter should be or look like. There were two sections: for the ones in East Europe and the ones in the rest of the World. For the ones in the rest of the world they told you how to choose the teacher bla bla and for eastern Europe they taught you how to write it yourself and pass to the teacher to sign it. =))

Incredible.

The thing is, it's already exhausting to write your personal statement. But then you have to "recommend" yourself a second time? Not funny.

By the way, barbequeing in January on a rooftop of a block is awesome. Extremely awesome.

Blub and out,
Tim-O